What Do I Do?

I don't know about anyone else. But my career choice changes about twice a week. For example, I've just finished watching the latest episode of Greys Anatomy and I want nothing more than to become the next top surgeon. Brain or heat surgeon,  I haven't decided that bit yet. 
I'm turning 21 this year and it feels a lot like my life is quickly moving forward whilst I'm standing completely still. And that's scary. 
As I sit here eating my pomegranate seeds (I love them but the pip bits can be very annoying) I can't help but dream of my life as an interior designer...Oooh or maybe a screenwriter, or I could try my hand at becoming a commercial pilot (That was my childhood ambition after all) 
I can't help but notice that my life is one big contradiction. I really want to get my own house and settle down. Meet someone and start a family, you know the usual. But I also would love to just stay at home with my parents and chill out for a bit longer. I want a full time job with a great annual salary, but I would also love to just keep my part-time job and carry on in education forever and ever. That's another thing. I can not wait to graduate university. But then, I would love to just stay here a little bit longer. Maybe It's my fear of the unknown that holds me back. Not knowing what's waiting for me once I pack up and leave here is kinda scary to think about. 
Whenever I ask other people what they're doing once they graduate they seem to have it all worked out. At least that's the impression they give anyway. On the inside they could be drowning just as much as I am. People keep telling me I have loads of time yet and that my life has barely even started. Which is true, I guess. But I can't help but worry as I watch the days pass by with almost no change. 
I wonder if I'm doing something wrong. After all, my future is down to me. The choices I make determine where I end up. I suppose as long as I'm happy with the way my life turns out, everything else will just be a bonus. 
In the words of Meredith Grey "At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your life drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them"

Maybe I just need to cross some more lines to get where I want to be...


James France

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